I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize