About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
