Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The air was thick with penises
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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