the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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