it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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