Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize