the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
