Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
