Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Randomize
