woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
50% drunk capacity currently
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
