I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if only i could text you this smell
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
