I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
