you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
