Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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