Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
