Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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