why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
