I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will be naked everywhere
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize