She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
