that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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