I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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