Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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