Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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