I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
