I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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