I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
