theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
