when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize