new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
