do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
