i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
