He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
