8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
