I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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