new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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