So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
