you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
