SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
