I want to make a zoo with you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found the puke drawer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
