he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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