my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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