Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
