Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
