Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
