They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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