laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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