Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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