Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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