Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
