I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
