Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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