i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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