if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Be still, my beating vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
