I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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