i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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