My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
