and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
