I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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