How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
