Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
