Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
