I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
