smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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