ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and she was petting her beer can
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
