I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
