Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
