I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
