Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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