that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
