if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
