just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
