i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
