My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
