I'm passing your future prison.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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