Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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