Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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