my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
