don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
