Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You smell like stripper and shame
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
