Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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