I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
