Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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