I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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