Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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